You Park Like an A-hole
I was about to write you a note to tell you that you park like an asshole, but I had a change of heart. I don’t know your circumstances. Maybe you were in a hurry because you had to get to a bathroom. Maybe you were distracted by the pain of spilling a cafe olé* in your lap. Who am I to judge?
I once received a note on my windshield. The note said “I hit your car. There are people watching. I’m pretending to write a note with my contact info.”
Well that really ruined my day. You want to believe there are good people in the world. So here I am. Being a good person. I was going to write you a nasty note, then I decided not to. But if I didn’t leave any note at all, you wouldn’t know about the good deed that was done for you. So now, you can feel like there are good people in the world.
I just noticed that you have a little Catholic thingy hanging on your rear view mirror. You know, if you’re going to show the world that you’re catholic, and then you park in such a way that you take two spots, they’re going to have a bad impression of Catholics. In my humble opinion, you ought to take down the thingy if you did a bad job of parking. That way, people don’t think bad stuff about Catholics. OR, and this is the better option, resolve to always do a good job of parking no matter what.
Do you think they ever parallel park the pope-mobile in such a way that they take up two spaces? I doubt it. They’re probably very conscientious.
Now that I look, there’s a lot of stuff in your car. Kind of messy. Did you know it takes 28 days to form a habit? For 28 days, I took my car to the wash once a week and always used that vacuum on my interior. Using the vacuum forced me to throw out the old cups and gum wrappers and stuff. The reason I started that habit was because I picked up a woman for a date and she looked a little grossed out by my car. She didn’t see me again after that.
It looks like you’re a woman. I see a yoga mat rolled up in the back. Yoga seems kind of girly to me. Like, there’s an 80% chance you’re a female. I went to a class once and felt like everyone thought I was there to creep on women. There was only like, two other guys in the class. One of them was really good at yoga. I knew he was going to be good because he wore these tiny little yoga shorts and nothing else. Why would someone wear that unless they were going to be really good at yoga? And the other guy in the class had on sweats and started off doing yoga in sneakers, then partway through realized everyone else was barefoot. He stopped and took his sneakers off. I bet he was there to creep on women.
I was just there to do yoga and meet new people. I met a woman named Sabrina and asked her to meet up sometime, but she said she felt uncomfortable giving her number out to a guy she doesn’t know. I told her we could just go out as friends and she still said no. She ruined my day just like the guy who put the note on my windshield. And I don’t want to be the kind of person who ruins someone else’s day. That’s why I’m trying not to be judgmental about your parking. You probably had a good reason to park on two spaces.
It’s possible you didn’t though. If you didn’t have a good reason to park this way, well, you park like an asshole.
I hope I brightened your day! Peace.
*The author is aware that it’s actually “au lait”. Don’t tell her.
